Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
