bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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