When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
