Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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