she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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