when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
