my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
