dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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