So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
