don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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