I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
barbara walters just said penis...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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