I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
