Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
