Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
