I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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