The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
