my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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