If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize