I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
we should paint friendship bongs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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