if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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