Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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