Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
