You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
