You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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