From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize