I wish I could punch you in the face.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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