So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
