my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
