The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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