I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
