The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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