i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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