My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
