I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
