I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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