dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
