So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My cat gives me a boner
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
