Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
