Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize