You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
