We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
