I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize