That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
