some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
