just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
