Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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