in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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