You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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