I just pynch a tree in the face
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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