I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
