Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
wow bdsm is so cute
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
