Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
