I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who died my cat blue again?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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