it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize