I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
