dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
