when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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