So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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