Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
