I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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