Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
