did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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