he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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