So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
