Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
