Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
