is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize