i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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