lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
