I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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