If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
