why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
