I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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