i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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